It feels even more real now.
My parents ... to come .... but not yet. I expect mine to try and talk me out of it, and I'm such an obedient daughter. Well, this time I won't be, but I am aware that I - again - don't want to get them to worry about me. Maybe I'm totally overthinking this. It's all in my head so far. But I can't yet pluck up the courage.
Today I went through my two 3-door wardrobes (yes, 2!), and I think I could now start making it one, slowly. There are some pieces I just am not ready to let go off. But 2 black bags full (I could hardly carry them) was a brilliant start.
And I sold a camera - Yippeeh!
Another topic:
My prescription has changed, and I'm having trouble to read stuff on the laptop or my phone. Believe it or not, but right now we can't afford to buy me new glasses. They will cost me nearly £400 because my eyes are so complicated. So, I'm trying to sell stuff and get that money in. But that bl...dy recliner sofa won't sell. Ebay was unsuccessful. I've now put it on Gumtree. Wish me luck, please!
And an issue I'd like to share:
We have a lodger. He is a minor (17) and from Albania - a refugee, seeking asylum here. We got him through Social Services and have had him live here and cared for since June 2016. In all these months, my every attempt to teach him some basics, like how to eat socially acceptable (not with your fingers or the knife only), how to cut meat (not pull it apart), and like how to leave the bathroom behind, so others won't feel disgusted when they want to use it. But also basics like locking up behind him when we're away and he leaves the house. I'm sure you know where this is going. Yes - he seems unteachable, and my levels of anger have been rising for over 12 months. Yesterday I got myself in such a state that I wanted to explode. I talked to him when he came back home, and I hope I made myself very clear this time.
I've been suffering from exhaustion, lately. Couldn't put my finger on the cause of it. But having a young person live with us that is 99% ignorant (or otherwise engaged - .... I only say phone!!!!) might just be a reason. Yesterday, speaking about it with a good friend, I felt so tearful and done with this job, and I understood that a big part of my fatigue might come from this care job (which we need as it gives me an income). I'm not the youngest anymore, and for the last 13 years together (Ewan and me I mean) we've always found our financial situation hard, and we've mostly had strange people living with us to pay the mortgage. So, yes, downsizing is definitely an answer.
I used to be an admin person, before I became a full-time self-employed life coach. Admin is not for me anymore; it's soooooooooooo boring. Also, I see through bad organisational structures, power abuse and how one person has to do more and more because of downsizing staff and taking on more work. I've had it HERE (if you know what I mean). So this is not an option - I can't go back. As a life coach I'm only in my second year of building up, so, I have practically no income, yet. Anyway - this has been quite a struggle, too, as I'm not very good at using marketing tools to advertise my services. It's all so overwhelming.
Sorry for being a bit whiny today, but letting it out is quite a relief, and I'm certainly not looking for sympathy.
Yesterday I also spoke to my old friend in Germany. She told me the boat thing could be a symbol for floating more with our soul's purpose and being carried. She said the solution to our issues might not necessarily be living on a houseboat, but the houseboat could be a metaphor for the solution. She also said, letting go was a great thing and will be rewarded, and that we might have to keep open-minded about what is the right thing for us after the house is sold. We'll see where we float then ;)
See you later,
and thanks for listening.
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